noun: im|posta
“A person who pretends to be someone else in order to deceive others.”
Unfortunately this is a question I’ve asked myself way too many times over the past two decades. “Am I an imposter?” For those unfamiliar with the phrase “Imposter Syndrome,” it is the belief that you are not as capable or competent as others seem to believe you are. It is the anxious thoughts that rear their heads a few months after you start a new job. You know the ones? The honeymoon period has worn off, so will they now start to see cracks in your ability? Will they start to doubt you’re worth what they’re paying you? Will you start to doubt your own ability and ironically by fearing mistakes, you actually, subconsciously make them happen more often?
This has been me. For many years. I think it has stemmed from an unbelief in myself, my abilities and gifts and ultimately an unbelief in God’s provision. “What are they going to do when they find out I’m a failure and I’m not capable of doing everything they thought I could do?” “Where will I find my sense of worth when that day comes?” “How do I fly under the radar so they never realise?” These have been real struggles for me over the years.
It has predominantly been in my career, but also in my parenting. Although, maybe I’m easier on myself in that area, to an extent, because I know there comes a time when all children realise their parents don’t know everything, so the inevitability of that moment being on the horizon is more clearer. (Although my boys already know that they will be living at home until they get married to a woman I choose and then move in next door.)
These questions, fears and doubts have crept into my writing and also, as The Take Heart Podcast went live this week, they’ve been heavier than usual over the past couple of months. Is this all a facade and I’m not actually able to do this? Who am I to think this is possible?
So…let me pause here and ask you to glance back at the last few paragraphs. How many times have you read the words I, I’ve or I’m? I don’t expect you to actually count, but look where my focus has been. On myself. Solely on myself. It’s no wonder that I have a warped sense of reality when I am the only one I’m looking at. The only one I’m beholding.
How do I overcome it?
Ahh, I’ve done it again, how do I overcome it? Assuming that it’s all left up to me to find the right way forward. What is the most useful tool to combat the devil’s schemes? Because, let’s face it, that’s exactly what all of this is; the enemy causes us to take our eyes off God and place them on ourselves. To be so consumed with fear or anxiety, that we miss out on the goodness of God. The goodness of His gifts and the joy that can be felt when we’re serving Him. So, what is the most useful tool to combat the devil’s schemes and to activate the armour of God? Prayer.
Prayer
Releases
All
Your
Eternal
Resources
– Richard A. Burr
So I’ve prayed. A lot. Prayed for freedom from all of this and God is so faithful. It’s grip on me has definitely lessened, but it’s continuously reminding myself that these feelings are never from our Heavenly Father.
It also helps an incredible amount to surround yourself with people who believe in you, who empower, challenge and encourage you.
Own the chair.
I had breakfast with a dear friend this week and as I was expressing my uneasiness about the podcast being launched, she in no uncertain terms told me to shut up. She encouraged me to own the chair, to be confident in where the Lord has led me and to not apologise for it. So this is me attempting to do that. With a sincere and open heart, just trying to be obedient to His leading.
So, I want to encourage you. If you are going through a similar thing and have the conviction that you are where you’re meant to be, then own it. Step into it with the confidence that God has put you there and will empower you to fulfil His purposes while you’re there.
BB
